i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just found puke in my bra..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
