Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
