guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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