Whod you bang
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
