put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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