It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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