guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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