Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
