He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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