One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
