So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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