I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
