My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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