hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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