I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This toilet bowl is my home.
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