The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
