I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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