At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sarcasm needs its own font
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
