i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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