What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
