I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
