I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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