i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
