1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
