i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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