I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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