he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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