I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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