She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
