I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
