My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
