Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
