There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
