Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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