I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
