there's paper in my vomit.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
