she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize