We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize