The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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