she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
