I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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