i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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