Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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