I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Are my feet made of real feet?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
