This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
