FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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