wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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