turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
