first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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