im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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