rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
