How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dignity is for republicans.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
