In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
