Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know her cup size but not her name....
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