I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
