On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
