im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't turn off my feet"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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