i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
