so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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