If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
