Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
