apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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