She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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