I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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