It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
