I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
